I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
