i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
