its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
