worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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