I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize