Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I love you.
Bad choice
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