trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
