i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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