bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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