I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Let's paint friendship bongs
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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