Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
