I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
