He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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