I got chris browned last night
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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