i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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