It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
