he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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