The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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