i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
