I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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