wakey wakey hands off snakey
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
only you would photoshop your dick
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
