She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
