Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
