There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
