The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
