I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
