I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
