fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
