i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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