no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't deserve a penis
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
