i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
