But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
