the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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