If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
