she takes plan B like it's going out of style
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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