we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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