genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
