I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
