just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
