There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
