i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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