oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
