I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
