you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
