I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
