Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize