you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
