Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
