Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
