What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
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