you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
