Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
