The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
