He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
