my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
