I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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