woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
