I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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