I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
