DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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