Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think i got beer on your cat.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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