this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
