So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
