im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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