I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
