I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
