So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
