I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize