Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
