I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
