There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
