So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just had sex on a roof
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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