Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
did i just pee glitter
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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