she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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