Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
