i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
