i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
