You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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