we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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