Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
