All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
