that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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