His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Then you guys just all showered together...?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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