alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
