You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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