I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
