What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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