I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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